Home?

At church camp, which I attended every summer, the speaker would always say something on the last day about how hard it would be for some kids/teens to go back home and live their faith out. Some of them had home lives that were not very conducive to the christian life, others had families that were just unsaved, others had home lives that were just abysmal.

I always felt a certain level of empathy for these other kids. I could not imagine what it would be like to try to hold onto your faith with parents that did not believe or an environment that was difficult. "It must be something you have to go through to understand," I thought.

I was right.

Coming to Fostoria any more is hard. Both the town and my family have gone downhill. I've been staying at my mom's over break and it's actually really difficult to stay here. This place doesn't feel like home; my mom doesn't even seem like my mom. At least not the one I grew up with. I long for the feeling of home that was so present in my old house- when my family was all together. I miss the Christian mom I grew up with that loved Jesus and taught me to follow Him by living her life in a way that looked like Him.

I miss something that won't be back.

Even more motivation for me to be a strong leader for my future family. I want my kids to have a home that feels like home, and parents that teach them what to do instead of what not to do.

I'm ready to get back to school! :)

Welfare and the Church: A Reflection

Are welfare and socialized health care simply our ways of having the government take care of a problem we don't wish to deal with on a personal level?

Which requires more of us: Caring for the orphans and widows, the sick, the imprisoned, and the poor through our churches and our personal giving, or simply paying more taxes and having the government care for them in our stead?

Father, please help me to not be simply another question-asker amidst a sea of often answerless questions. Help me to FACILITATE the change YOU wish to see in the world.

Reconciling Reality

Today I said goodbye to the fourth member of my family who's left too early within the course of the last three years- my aunt Amber. Although we were not extremely close by any means I found myself taking the loss much harder than I thought I would. I found myself grieving not only the loss of my aunt, but the loss of my grandfathers, the loss of my best friend- and in some ways, the loss of my family.

The majority of my family is alive- but we are not together. For a lot of complex reasons much of my family is not really involved in my life any more; and this is a very sad thing. Some have distanced themselves from me and I've distanced myself from some. They may be living, but I have lost them in many ways.

I'm not alone- Jesus lost people in this way too. So, when I think of Jesus hanging on the cross I think not only of his physical pain, but also of his cognitive and emotional pain. What was it like to have lived an entire life for everyone else, only to have the majority of them reject your message outright? Perhaps what's worse was those who claimed to follow his message, but left him to die by himself. What was going through his mind? How much did it hurt to "lose" those closest to him?

I want to pursue my family- one of my heart's deepest desires is to have them fall back in love with the person who gave so much for them and allow him to draw us back together. Him, the only one who can heal our broken hearts and broken lives- the one who captured my heart so long ago. I've spent so much time at school trying to block them out of my mind so I can focus on what I need to do to better myself. At what cost was this? I come home now for the first time in four months to sisters who are taller, a brother who is smarter, a mother (who never calls) that I no longer know- and her boyfriend who I don't care to know, and of course a workaholic father who's life has fallen apart but is trying so hard to put things back together. I wonder if it is worth it; I truly don't know. All I know is that my response has been to harden my heart, avoid being worried about them, and turn off my emotions as much as possible.

This morning as I think about Jesus I think about the Jesus of the book of Mark. In Mark, Jesus is emphasized as the suffering servant. He ministers all of his life amongst a hard-hearted, cold people. They reject him; he dies naked, cold, and alone. I'm blown away by his pursuit of reconciliation despite all of this. While I'm not there yet- I know my hard heart will be, and is being, reconciled to his. I'm hopeful that those I've lost metaphorically and I will be reconciled someday. I know that this is God's will for us. And I'm hopeful that I will see those I've lost in the physical way again.

Some of the last word's Christ ever uttered were: "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do". These words come only be spoken because of what the Father had said to his people long before. "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt". Christ is our sole route to redemption and reconciliation. I will trust in Him

On a day like today

I can't help but be thankful for nothing more than the life I have been given.

I've had a lot of time lately for reflection and thinking- and although what occupies my mind most often are the trivial things of life, I've also been working through and thinking about that which matters most to me and perhaps should matter most to all of us- relationships.

Our God is a relational god. In the beginning He walked amongst us. When we screwed that relationship up- He still manifest Himself to us in other ways (e.g., a pillar of fire, a breeze, by stopping the sun, etc). When things started to look especially dim He came down and lived amongst us again through His son, Jesus. Time and time again, even though maintaining His relationship with us was difficult due to our shortcomings and sinfulness, He did whatever He had to do just to be with us- to fix our brokenness, to heal our wounds.

How are we like God in our relationships with others? Do we strive to help the wounded? Do we reach out to those who seem least reachable- or do we work with those most similar to us? not the lost and broken, but perhaps the Jaded and the Cynical- the middle-class American Christian. What holds the top priority in our life? Our time, our homes, our work, our money? What good are any of those things if we overlook the people we are surrounded with?

When I look back on my life at the end, I will not think about all the A's I got, how clean my apartment was, how many awards I won, or promotions I was given. It won't matter what my net-worth was, or who I voted for. What will matter is how I treated those around me. How was I Christ to them? Did I meet them at their point of need or wait for them to come unto me? Did I spend my time caring for people? Was my house available and open to everyone? Did I work as though I was working for the Lord? Did I use my money to reach out to those in need?

There's no time like today to start asking the questions that matter.

Injustice

How long will the faculty be kept in cages? Shouldn't they be free to roam about our beautiful campus? Why can't they eat where they wish? How long will this problem go on?

Intro Video

I like the Pope.

"Are we not perhaps all afraid in some way? If we let Christ enter fully into our lives, if we open ourselves totally to Him, are we not afraid that He might take something away from us?...And once again the Pope said: No! If we let Christ into our lives, we lose nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing of what makes life free, beautiful and great. No! Only in this friendship do we experience beauty and liberation....When we give ourselves to Him, we receive a hundredfold in return. Yes, open, open wide the doors to Christ – and you will find true life." -Pope Benedict XVI

The Dark Knight Questions

1. Can a person deserve something "better" than the truth? What sort of context would call for this?

2. What is the difference between the leader (hero) a people need and the leader they deserve? How can you be the leader that is needed while becoming the leader that is deserved? Is this possible?

Questioning Christianity

This post begins what I believe will be a series of questions I have been dealing with regarding the subject of Contemporary Christianity. I do not have answers to these questions nor do I fully believe the possible scenarios implied by my questioning. I am simply submitting them for your thoughts, dear reader.

The first question is: What if Paul's understanding of Christ's words and deeds was incorrect? I suppose by asking this I am in actuality questioning the validity of any of the New Testament writers (other than those who wrote the Gospels) interpretations. How much of our Theology is based upon the thoughts of those other than Christ Himself? What would Christianity look like if we only had the Old Testament and the Gospels?

The most important thing

You know what really makes our lives special? People. Earlier today as I sat in my apartment's living room by myself, I realized this. I mean, I've known this, but I guess sometimes we can convince ourselves that if we simply fill our lives with enough stuff, or live in the right place we can be happy. If we can have enough fun, we won't feel the hole that's in our hearts. Now, I could say the thing that is perhaps a bit tired here on the beautiful campus of MVNU, "Only God can fill that hole!" I do think that God can help to make us feel content, but I also feel that God has made us to desire being in relationship with others.

For a lot of my life, I thought that if I could just get out of Fostoria, away from my parents and on my own, everything would be alright. I thought staying here on campus this Summer would give me some much needed time to myself. But the problem with that thought is just that: I'm by myself. I don't know if I've ever felt lonelier in my entire life. I think there are two distinct factors that are contributing to my lonesome state.

1. I push people away. If I get really close to someone, I start freaking out about what's going to happen with the relationship. Due to everything that's happened as of late, I'm kind of afraid that the people I care about are gonna leave. I mean I've been left by a lot of people: various youth pastors, pastors, both of my parents (in many ways), and my best friends (Jordan died, Brad gained a girlfriend and lost a spine).
2. I run from God all the time. I completely understand that God has neither left me nor forsaken me. God actively pursues me, and I actively run like the wind away from him.

I hope that this realization will finally push me over the edge of change.

The Office!

Thank goodness, The Office® returns today at 9! Call your mom, dad, cousin, and mailman! It's gonna be a wonderful episode.

Coming soon to this blog, a long post about my experience over spring break in New York City. It could potentially be great.

The Pursuit of Contentment

Contentment is something I really struggle with. . .

There are two huge situations happening in my life right now: the first of which I cannot talk about, and the second I'm not at liberty to speak of. This makes it difficult to blog.

However, I will say that life is changing. Why do I find it so strange when this occurs? Change is inevitable; yet it always catches us off guard.
Life is ok right now- but I'm not ok with ok. I believe in my heart that I was made for a purpose and life that is so much better than status quo. How can I be content? I'm learning that comfort does not equal contentment.

Doesn't it suck when God lets you choose?

Definitely, Maybe

Over the weekend, Lyndsey and I went to see the movie, "Definitely, Maybe". It was really good. I especially liked its portrayal of the fact that there isn't just one person for each of us. We have possibilities!

Anywho, this is a great film with really good acting. I highly recommend it. You should go watch it right now.

2.15.2008

Today was beautiful. I don't mean aesthetically.

It actually started off badly. I had made plans to catch up with a friend who I've kinda drifted away from, and at the last minute they cancelled on me and I don't understand why. This had serious damper potential on my day.

But then I went to Sips. . .

Troy, Ryan, Bennett, and myself departed around 1:04 p.m. for Sips, and we had a great time talking and sharing. Joe Farmer got there around 2:30 or so, and he told us we should sit on the couches. Thanks for the excellent advice, Joe! We then sat and talked some more, and eventually an old man came up to us and told us a story/gave us a history lesson regarding the following things: George Washington, George Bush, the Revolutionary War, the Dollar Bill, a millionaire from Belgium, Winter coats, drunk Englishmen, tanks, tank mines, Black televangelists, one or more four-star generals, and a paralytic. Needless to say, we all learned a lot!

Then after Sips we went to Wal*Mart. On the way there we came across the Ron Paul Revolution®. We didn't join, but we did honk and wave. At Wal*Mart I got some essentials, as did the other guys, and after some video-game hunting we went back to Mother Oakwood.

From Oakwood, Bennett, Ryan, and myself went for a walk. It was great. We went down to the reflection pond for some serious reflection. We decided that the ice was too unified, so we broke it into smaller pieces. A great time was had by all- except maybe the ice that got broken up.

After the pond, it was off to the caf for some talk. Then a select group of us, Lyndsey, Joe, Steph, Ryan, and I went to the 586. We had some good food, good convo, and watched some neat videos/listened to cool music.

When our food was finished we headed to the Pioneer RA office and started Fever Pitch. Then TK texted Joe and asked if anyone wanted to come over for some Phase 10. So we went over to TK's apt; but due to extenuating circumstances he couldn't hang with us. We stayed anyway and chilled with Sarah and finished Fever Pitch. It was a lot of fun! I was shocked that such a nice place was in some way connected to Oakwood!

That, dear reader, is the day that was. It was amazing to hang out with good friends and learn more about them.
All in all, it was a beautiful day.

Truer Words....

"Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.”
-Dan in Real Life

whatev...

The people you care about make you the most upset.

I am irrational.

Take Time to Realize

V1:Take time to realize,
That your warmth is.
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you
C: If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.
V2: Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by..
Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you,
no its never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.
It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it to.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you
-Colbie

Thanks for a beautiful day, Jesus. It was beautiful, and I really needed it.
I see you everywhere!

Two Things.

One, Juno is by far my favorite movie I've seen this year! It was absolutely wonderful! I really don't have time to talk about all the things I liked-because there were a ton. One I will mention is that it has a really cool soundtrack. I'm currently arguing amongst myself about whether or not to purchase it on iTunes. (I just set up an account.)

Two, it would be really cool to be in love.

End.

Shortness

I'm back at MVNU and I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me this year!!!
Wahoo!