Questioning Christianity

This post begins what I believe will be a series of questions I have been dealing with regarding the subject of Contemporary Christianity. I do not have answers to these questions nor do I fully believe the possible scenarios implied by my questioning. I am simply submitting them for your thoughts, dear reader.

The first question is: What if Paul's understanding of Christ's words and deeds was incorrect? I suppose by asking this I am in actuality questioning the validity of any of the New Testament writers (other than those who wrote the Gospels) interpretations. How much of our Theology is based upon the thoughts of those other than Christ Himself? What would Christianity look like if we only had the Old Testament and the Gospels?

The most important thing

You know what really makes our lives special? People. Earlier today as I sat in my apartment's living room by myself, I realized this. I mean, I've known this, but I guess sometimes we can convince ourselves that if we simply fill our lives with enough stuff, or live in the right place we can be happy. If we can have enough fun, we won't feel the hole that's in our hearts. Now, I could say the thing that is perhaps a bit tired here on the beautiful campus of MVNU, "Only God can fill that hole!" I do think that God can help to make us feel content, but I also feel that God has made us to desire being in relationship with others.

For a lot of my life, I thought that if I could just get out of Fostoria, away from my parents and on my own, everything would be alright. I thought staying here on campus this Summer would give me some much needed time to myself. But the problem with that thought is just that: I'm by myself. I don't know if I've ever felt lonelier in my entire life. I think there are two distinct factors that are contributing to my lonesome state.

1. I push people away. If I get really close to someone, I start freaking out about what's going to happen with the relationship. Due to everything that's happened as of late, I'm kind of afraid that the people I care about are gonna leave. I mean I've been left by a lot of people: various youth pastors, pastors, both of my parents (in many ways), and my best friends (Jordan died, Brad gained a girlfriend and lost a spine).
2. I run from God all the time. I completely understand that God has neither left me nor forsaken me. God actively pursues me, and I actively run like the wind away from him.

I hope that this realization will finally push me over the edge of change.