Thanks, Cameron Crowe!

"You want to be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling. That's true greatness to me."
- Elizabethtown

Home?

At church camp, which I attended every summer, the speaker would always say something on the last day about how hard it would be for some kids/teens to go back home and live their faith out. Some of them had home lives that were not very conducive to the christian life, others had families that were just unsaved, others had home lives that were just abysmal.

I always felt a certain level of empathy for these other kids. I could not imagine what it would be like to try to hold onto your faith with parents that did not believe or an environment that was difficult. "It must be something you have to go through to understand," I thought.

I was right.

Coming to Fostoria any more is hard. Both the town and my family have gone downhill. I've been staying at my mom's over break and it's actually really difficult to stay here. This place doesn't feel like home; my mom doesn't even seem like my mom. At least not the one I grew up with. I long for the feeling of home that was so present in my old house- when my family was all together. I miss the Christian mom I grew up with that loved Jesus and taught me to follow Him by living her life in a way that looked like Him.

I miss something that won't be back.

Even more motivation for me to be a strong leader for my future family. I want my kids to have a home that feels like home, and parents that teach them what to do instead of what not to do.

I'm ready to get back to school! :)

Welfare and the Church: A Reflection

Are welfare and socialized health care simply our ways of having the government take care of a problem we don't wish to deal with on a personal level?

Which requires more of us: Caring for the orphans and widows, the sick, the imprisoned, and the poor through our churches and our personal giving, or simply paying more taxes and having the government care for them in our stead?

Father, please help me to not be simply another question-asker amidst a sea of often answerless questions. Help me to FACILITATE the change YOU wish to see in the world.

Reconciling Reality

Today I said goodbye to the fourth member of my family who's left too early within the course of the last three years- my aunt Amber. Although we were not extremely close by any means I found myself taking the loss much harder than I thought I would. I found myself grieving not only the loss of my aunt, but the loss of my grandfathers, the loss of my best friend- and in some ways, the loss of my family.

The majority of my family is alive- but we are not together. For a lot of complex reasons much of my family is not really involved in my life any more; and this is a very sad thing. Some have distanced themselves from me and I've distanced myself from some. They may be living, but I have lost them in many ways.

I'm not alone- Jesus lost people in this way too. So, when I think of Jesus hanging on the cross I think not only of his physical pain, but also of his cognitive and emotional pain. What was it like to have lived an entire life for everyone else, only to have the majority of them reject your message outright? Perhaps what's worse was those who claimed to follow his message, but left him to die by himself. What was going through his mind? How much did it hurt to "lose" those closest to him?

I want to pursue my family- one of my heart's deepest desires is to have them fall back in love with the person who gave so much for them and allow him to draw us back together. Him, the only one who can heal our broken hearts and broken lives- the one who captured my heart so long ago. I've spent so much time at school trying to block them out of my mind so I can focus on what I need to do to better myself. At what cost was this? I come home now for the first time in four months to sisters who are taller, a brother who is smarter, a mother (who never calls) that I no longer know- and her boyfriend who I don't care to know, and of course a workaholic father who's life has fallen apart but is trying so hard to put things back together. I wonder if it is worth it; I truly don't know. All I know is that my response has been to harden my heart, avoid being worried about them, and turn off my emotions as much as possible.

This morning as I think about Jesus I think about the Jesus of the book of Mark. In Mark, Jesus is emphasized as the suffering servant. He ministers all of his life amongst a hard-hearted, cold people. They reject him; he dies naked, cold, and alone. I'm blown away by his pursuit of reconciliation despite all of this. While I'm not there yet- I know my hard heart will be, and is being, reconciled to his. I'm hopeful that those I've lost metaphorically and I will be reconciled someday. I know that this is God's will for us. And I'm hopeful that I will see those I've lost in the physical way again.

Some of the last word's Christ ever uttered were: "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do". These words come only be spoken because of what the Father had said to his people long before. "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt". Christ is our sole route to redemption and reconciliation. I will trust in Him

On a day like today

I can't help but be thankful for nothing more than the life I have been given.

I've had a lot of time lately for reflection and thinking- and although what occupies my mind most often are the trivial things of life, I've also been working through and thinking about that which matters most to me and perhaps should matter most to all of us- relationships.

Our God is a relational god. In the beginning He walked amongst us. When we screwed that relationship up- He still manifest Himself to us in other ways (e.g., a pillar of fire, a breeze, by stopping the sun, etc). When things started to look especially dim He came down and lived amongst us again through His son, Jesus. Time and time again, even though maintaining His relationship with us was difficult due to our shortcomings and sinfulness, He did whatever He had to do just to be with us- to fix our brokenness, to heal our wounds.

How are we like God in our relationships with others? Do we strive to help the wounded? Do we reach out to those who seem least reachable- or do we work with those most similar to us? not the lost and broken, but perhaps the Jaded and the Cynical- the middle-class American Christian. What holds the top priority in our life? Our time, our homes, our work, our money? What good are any of those things if we overlook the people we are surrounded with?

When I look back on my life at the end, I will not think about all the A's I got, how clean my apartment was, how many awards I won, or promotions I was given. It won't matter what my net-worth was, or who I voted for. What will matter is how I treated those around me. How was I Christ to them? Did I meet them at their point of need or wait for them to come unto me? Did I spend my time caring for people? Was my house available and open to everyone? Did I work as though I was working for the Lord? Did I use my money to reach out to those in need?

There's no time like today to start asking the questions that matter.

Injustice

How long will the faculty be kept in cages? Shouldn't they be free to roam about our beautiful campus? Why can't they eat where they wish? How long will this problem go on?

Intro Video